Thursday, March 27, 2008

they should be killed. i'm just saying, that's all.

yeah, i've been away for awhile (or is it it a while? i can never keep it straight. or strait. fuck me.) anyway, i took some well deserved time off from the internet (i.e. the internet i've been stealing quit working for me consistently enough for me to waste more than about two hours trying to get and stay connected) and did things like read books and realize that, with the right set of antennas, i can get more than one channel.
"ohhhhh, sweet more than one channel......"(drooling)
so i'm back with just a quick bit. a link of sorts. from Cracked magazine (the poor man's MAD or also one of the best sites on this whole interweb) a list of the six endangered species that just aren't endangered enough.

i quote (from #6, the GoliathBird Eating Spider:

As if a giant spider that can bring down a moderate-sized flying animal wasn't bad enough, it's one of the "hissing bastard spiders" (that's actually its full scientific name), the creepiest creature to exist outside of a horror novel. At this point, evolution clearly just started piling in everything nasty that could possibly fit: Its spit can dissolve flesh down to the bone AND it can shoot invisible hairs that cut your eyes and mouth. While the "intelligent designer" theory has lost steam of late, the "sadistic bastard creator" theory is single-handedly supported by the existence of this creature.

No messing around here--there is an entire part of the brain designed to keep us the fuck away from spiders, the "arachnid response" to anything horrifically alien that must be destroyed. The only reason this abomination isn't already extinct is we can't find enough Navy SEALS prepared to go near the damned things. Heroes? Psh, the only reason those bastards dismantle nukes is because the "Jobs Available" list at the base reads: a) Single-handedly engage the entire terrorist forces of Mujhadikkaklikkastan or
b) Seriously guys, one of us needs to kill those fucking spiders. But I've hurt my leg. Signed, Rambo

No comments: